Stepfamily-trouble
Raising children today is not an easy task. Children have many different needs and each child's personality is different, which means parents often times find that what works for one child does not necessarily work for the other children. When raising children in a step-family, each parent needs to consider there will be a need for patience as the children adjust to not only having a new father or mother, but perhaps a new set of rules for the new family arrangement.
Ronald Simons, a sociologist at the University of Georgia, makes this statement; "Kids fare better with clear rules and firm consequences. Without structure, children become self-absorbed, selfish, and unhappy-and they make everyone around them miserable too."
This statement helps parents to understand that, regardless of the family arrangement, children need to have rules that are clear and well defined. When a new parent comes into the family arrangement, both parents will need to sit down and discuss what types of rules their children have had in the past. And in the case where two families come together, whether or not those rules will need to be changed or adjusted.
When considering the new rules for the step-family it is important to have reasonable limits for the children. In cases where the children are especially stressed and traumatized by the new parent it is important to realize it will take a great deal of patience on their part to help their step-children adjust. However, it is just as important for the children to know that the new rules will be consistently enforced by both parents.
Children have a natural desire to test their boundaries. When a new family member is introduced, such as a new father or mother, it is to be expected that they will want to test their new boundaries even further. Children are like little adults. They have their own thoughts, their own desires, and their own way of trying to get around any rules they don't like. And just like adults they can be very selfish and stubborn.
One of the best ways to help children understand the new rules (and consequences of not following those rules) is to write them down. It is best to keep this list short so as not to be overwhelming to remember or follow. Next to the rules create a list of consequences when the rules are not followed.
When problems arise it is best for parents to take the time to discuss the solutions to the problems without the children present. This will allow both parents to come up with a mutually acceptable solution so as not to confuse or frustrate the children by having conflicting rules and consequences.
It is also a good idea to always wait if you are angry before you administer any type of discipline. However, it is important not to procrastinate or bargain. While children need time to adjust to their new step family, parents will only create more difficulties should they not deliver consistent consequences for breaking the rules. The best way to help the children to cope with their new mom or dad is by spending quality time with them. This will allow the children to form new bonds with their new parent and in time allow them to accept the new rules of the step-family arrangement.